


Flavortown University

by shlonglord



Category: Diners Drive-ins and Dives, Political RPF - US 21st c., Shrek (2001), Winnie The Pooh
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Drugs, Fluff, M/M, Smut, yaoi don't like don't read
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 1950-04-20
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2018-05-29 22:02:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6395584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shlonglord/pseuds/shlonglord
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Guy Fieri Saves Ted Cruz, they begin a beautiful romance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning of Love

**Author's Note:**

> why did I write this, i hate myself

  
Ted walked through the yard of his college, taking in the fresh air. Ted Cruz was a freshman in the school known as Flavortown University. It was a prestigious school with many famous alumni.  
As Ted strolled through the yard he was approached by a small group of people, Ted knew who they were. It was the richest man on campus: Donald Trump. Trump, along with his boyfriend: Jeb Bush, and the gang of people surrounded Cruz.  
“What do you want Donald?” Ted yelled.

“Well I need someone to pick on don't I ?” Trump chuckled as he pulled out a wad of money.  
“This small loan of a million dollars is going up your ass Ted, you loser.” Trump smiled.  
Ted gasped as Trump’s goons started to grab him.  
“Let him go or you're all expelled!” said a voice. Out came Guy Fieri, the son of the dean.  
“Fine.” Trump retorted. “But don't think I'll go easy on you when you're pet loser isn't around. Let's go boys.”  
“T-thank you.” Ted sputtered, blushing up a storm.  
“No problem.” Guy said. “We should hang out sometime.” He said as he walked away, leaving Ted in awe, and with a new crush.


	2. The Number

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more of this shit, now with 20% more terrible

Ted walked through the parking lot of his dorm, passing many cars and eventually catching a glimpse of his roommate’s car. It was a white van with the words “Free Candy” scrawled on the side of van in big black letters. As Ted walked down the hallway that contained his dorm, he could hear All Star by Smash Mouth blaring from his dorm. When Ted opened his door, the smell of onions and pot hit him like a brick to the face.  
“Ugh! Shrek! You need to stop bringing your idiot stoner friends to the dorm!”  
“Ayy Ted! What's gucci my nigga.” Shrek said while taking a bite of an onion.  
Ted looked over at Shrek’s friends, Vladimir Putin, Hillary Clinton, and Winnie the Pooh sat around smoking blunts and hitting a bong.  
“Hey, um, Shrek?” Ted sputtered, “Can we talk…alnoe?”  
“Alright laddeh.” Shrek said as he walked with Ted into the kitchen.  
“Soo, Shrek do you happen to have Guy Fieri’s phone number?”  
“Yes, why do yeh want eheet laddeh?”  
Ted blushed “Well, you, um, I, well, eeehhh.”  
“Yewve gotta crush dontcha Ted?” Shrek grinned.  
“Look do you have the number or what?” Ted asked impatiently.  
“Alright laddeh, but don't dew any’thin stewpid.”  
Shrek handed Ted a slip of paper and then lumbered off.  
“Why the hell does Shrek keep slips of paper with phone numbers on them anyway.” Ted thought to himself, but he didn't care, all that mattered now was calling Guy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck


	3. The Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please end my life

Ted sat in his room staring at his cell phone and the slip of paper. The reason Ted was in his room and not downstairs with everyone else was because he did not want to witness the horrific scene of Winnie the Pooh trying to cook meth in Vladimir Putin’s asshole.  
Ted took a deep breath and entered each digit into his cell phone, his finger hovered ogre the last number for a second, then he hit the button.  
After the phone rung twice a voice answered, “Hello?”  
That voice, it was like a radical surfer who just saved your life at the beach-  
“Is anyone there?” Guy asked a second time.  
“Oh u-um hey G-guy.” Ted sputtered like a dying putt putt  
“Ted? Is that you?” Guy asked.  
“Um y-yeah, hey I was um wondering if you  
wanted to go o-on a date w-with m-m-me” Ted stammered.  
“Yeah dude! I'd love to!” Guy said.  
“Realy!” Ted said.  
“Sure, when and where is this date?” Guy asked.  
“Oh well I thought we could go se Supercarson at Eight, i-if that's okay with you.” Ted said.  
“Great, see you there!” Guy said as he hung up.  
Ted collapsed onto his bed and breathed in, tomorrow was going to be a big night.


	4. Intermission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you asked for this

Donald and Jeb sat in Trump's fancy bedroom, lying on his bed, making out. They had been tongue wrestling for several minutes, their flesh slugs fighting for dominance. Suddenly Trump pulled away, ripping of his shirt and revealing his toned orange chest, it was like a ripped carrot. Jeb dragged his tongue down Trump's chest and across his muscles. Trump unzipped his pants and freeing his gigantic 10 inch orange cock. Jeb looked at the big orange dick in front of him, it looked like a huge carrot staring him in the face.  
"It ain't gonna suck itself." Trump said.  
Jeb wrapped his mouth around Trump's boiled yam. Trump moaned as Jep sucked on his meat pillar.  
"Oh god Jeb your mouth is like a wall around my penis." Trump moaned.  
Suddenly a wave of pleasure flooded through trump and released out of his meat pillar, soaking him in cum.  
"Well that was fun, but let's keep going." Jeb said.  
Jeb turned around and presented his chocolate starfish, waving his ass in Trump's face. Trump thrusted into Jeb, Jeb cried out in pain and pleasure as the orange sausage filled him up. Jeb loved being full of Trumps million dollar shlong. Trump's sweaty orange balls slapped against Jeb's taint, going deeper and deeper until Trump's shaft pushed against his prostate.  
"Keep going Trump!" Jeb screamed as he came, staining the sheets with ropes of hot cum. Seeing Jeb cum sent Trump over the edge as he came, filling Jeb's bowels with semen. Later Jeb and Trump snuggled up together, holding each other in their embraces.  
"I love you Trump" Jeb said.  
"I love you too." Trump replied.


End file.
